Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts

Memories of My Grandparents

All of my grandparents have passed, and I don't know if I've ever recorded memories of them in writing. I was reminded to finish this piece by my aunt's Mother's Day post.

Fear on the Street

I got into a small Twitter conversation last night about "walking etiquette:"
Thinking about that reminds me of something that happened over five years ago - one of those little moments that make a lifelong impression. I was in an unfamiliar city with a group of friends for a few days and during one of the nights, ended up walking back to where we were staying with three of them - another man and two women.

For whatever reason, the street was a little crowded that night with several men (maybe 30-40% full), all of whom were minding their own business, but our little group stuck out and I noticed that. The other guy got separated from us a little (I think he was walking more slowly), and I also noticed the women pick up the pace slightly, obviously a little uncomfortable, but nothing was out of the ordinary.

Then my two friends asked me - in short & nervous whisper - to hold them.

Now, I've had my share of walking around with my arm around a girlfriend's waist or over her shoulder, and with reacting to sketchy situations on the street, but this was different. My platonic friends leaned in, more comfortable with strange intimacy than walking on their own, and I found myself suddenly cast as tall male protector. I put my arms around each of them and continued down the street, comprehending fear through their body language; we got to our destination without incident.

These two women are some of the strongest people I've known. They can each hold their own in a bar, on the field, and in the spotlight; I'm sure they will each achieve respect and admiration in their chosen profession. Some people like to seek security in others, but not these two, and so their reaction took me by surprise. We weren't equal at that moment; they created a power imbalance via their body language so that anyone wanting to speak to them would be speaking to me. I was the leader, the guardian, and my arms were the security blanket.

That gap - between my expectation of that street and the reality of walking up it - seared the moment into memory. I felt both immensely honored by my two amazing friends, and also troubled that I had understood the situation so differently than them. So ever since then, when I walk down the street and see someone or something that might make someone feel unsafe, I try to be deliberate about what I do so that all parties can breath more easily. I can't know how they feel, but because of past experience I can try to react in ways to make all parties feel as safe as possible.

Music and links from a random weekend

New readers: note that a regular feed of things I think are interesting can be found at this link.

Here's a sampling of what I got into this past weekend, after a wonderful but intense-for-my-introvert-self week:


Here are other videos from the same event - the quality live was really something, though I'm sure the official track was heavily mastered:


In the category of things that are unfortunate:
We can’t completely undo the financial obstacles younger Americans face, such as their weak earnings. But we can start to put in place policies that will ease their burden. First and foremost would be to get the nation’s economy onto a stronger growth trajectory. That’s a daunting challenge that would require revamping federal outlays to emphasize areas like education, infrastructure and research and development. Spending more on these areas would require higher taxes on my generation, which is getting a lot more from government than we are paying into it.

Departure from WI / Shows

I've scheduled this post to publish while I'm between Madison and Chicago. It's been over 3.5 years since I drove up into town, and I'll be headed out in the same way - one very full subcompact, but with professional experience and some money saved to show for my time here. I had a few goals in coming to WI, and I think I accomplished most of them, though I probably could have had similar gains in less time - I was just lucky enough to enjoy my job and stick around longer than I had planned.

I'm really excited about what's coming up - which I will announce in this space once I'm cleared for my next gig, but right now I wanted to catalogue something of my time in WI: the shows I saw, and events I attended. I don't think I'm going to save the programs/tickets for a scrapbook, but I think listing them out is a cool record of how else I filled my time here, and around the country. This is definitely a partial list - I only saved tickets or programs some of the time.

  • Taize gatherings in Chicago, Pine Ridge, and Austin (still need to write a thank-you-note for Austin)
  • Darlingside had a show in WI this past winter; I took some dear friends with me and we enjoyed the great sound (using just one mic!)
  • Bookless: the madison central library held an event with live music acts, art everywhere, and a few "Special features" as we said goodbye to the library before a big renovation. The definite highlight was lots of free paint and brushes to get creative on several walls.
  • Madison Remembers: I sang in this 9/11 memorial concern pictured to the right.
  • Monster Trucks! On a whim, I joined M, M, and A at Madison's smallish arena to see a pretty good show
  • Madison State Fair - weather was bad, eh.
  • The Magic Castle - an amazing club in LA that I got to visit thanks to a work trip and got in thanks to a work connection.Very privilaged.
  • Verona Area Theater - Singing in the Rain and The Producers
  • Middle Theater - Les Miserables. It was an AMAZING show.
  • Stoughton Players - Company.
  • John Oliver Stand-up in Madison.
  • Bobby McFerrin in Chicago, and endless calls from the CSO afterward for a membership.
  • Catch Me if you Can - the national tour, with a friend's friend in the cast
  • Almost, Maine in Rhode Island with a friend in the cast
  • Once on Broadway

  •  

Goodbye, Google Reader

"From your 145 subscriptions, over the last 30 days you read 4,712 items, clicked 190 items, starred 0 items, and emailed 1 items. Since August 27, 2009 you have read a total of 161,244 items."
I started using Reader as a college junior. It permanently changed my information consumption and use by making it possible for me to store up and consume data whenever I had time. I use it to find posts to make myself, on this blog and on my own RSS feed of interesting article. Here are the replacements I've considered:
  • The Old Reader - it works, but slow updates and the interface isn't pretty
  • Curata - no way to show unread
  • Feed.ly - ok, but only works on my modern laptop and I can't figure out how to click throuhg efficiently.
  • Digg Reader - no way to show unread
  • AOL Reader - no access yet
  • Newsblur - I like this one the most, and am currently paying $2/month for it. For something that I spend hours on, its well worth my time.

Ultimately, I'll keep trying out The Old Reader and Newsblur. I think the winner will be one of these. For now, I'll miss Google Reader's analytics, seen below. Do note that these are based on my computer's local time, so things read on the west coast at midnght show here as 2 AM. :)




States in the Union

A recent post made me think about which states I have and haven't been to in the US. I think you have to stay a night somewhere for it to really count but will count traveling-through states with asterisks.

I don't really think this will be useful for anyone else, but it's a cool reference point for the future.

Final score: Been to 30, transited in 7, got 13 left.

The End of the World

The world may not end tomorrow, but something else will: this magical date in the future that's been looming all our lives.

Remember who you were when you heard about it, or how young you were? I counted the years in elementary school - it was so far away. But now it's here, and I guess we'll have to find some other suspenseful date to look forward to.

Quoting myself

I told a story this weekend about learning the economic theories and equations supporting the willful destruction of perfectly good crops, and how much that messed with my notions of intuition of right and wrong. That with all of my ideas of how things should be, I could be completely off.

That being honest and open with the world sometimes makes it more difficult to enact change. That being honest about my faith is about embracing uncertainty, and giving up part of the rationality that governs the rest of my life. That my utopias aren't and cannot be true utopias. But there I go talking about me.

Life is hard, and it sometimes sucks. The burdens placed on us are not equal, neither in terms of geography, time, or all sorts of other statuses. Sometimes we are at the high place looking down trying to see if there's a net, and sometimes we are holding the net. Sometimes we are looking and holding at the same time, in different contexts. Sometimes we can't just find our glasses, and sometimes we realize that we carelessly knocked someone else's glasses off a few days ago, as I did on Friday.

And maybe, just maybe, we can hold the net a little stronger if we grappled more with the high place. Perhaps, in staying, we can discover what our limits truly are. Sometimes we are fearful of discovering our own potential. At least I am.

Remarkable Weekend

After an indoor soccer game with friends (2-0!), I headed down to Chicago Saturday morning to see a work-friend that has since moved for personal reasons, along with three others from Madison. We had a great ride, topics ranging from the very serious to the very not serious. What makes this blog worthy is that I was intending to see another friend in Chicago, who I met in April at a religious event. I had no idea where in the cite she lived, only knowing that she worked in Lincoln Park. My work-friend lives in Uptown, a few miles away, but as fate would have it their buildings are next door; she actually heard us arrive and unload the car from her bedroom. Just to think, that in a city of 2.7 million, my friends are literal neighbors. Proximity to Chicago has been a subtle blessing to live in Madison, and I've enjoyed every visit. Weekends like this and that of two weeks ago are the foodstuffs of life, though the labor of my life is just as meaningful.

Two Thoughts

While in Chicago this weekend, I realized two new things:
  1. We often talk about how stereotypes can damage or harm a person's ability or potential, but the reverse of that happened to me: I was the nerd who was "supposed" to succeed. It's a very strange kind of privilege, because that sort of praise is also isolating, but I hadn't fully realized it until this weekend.
  2. I think churches need to start to explicitly welcome "friends" in addition to "members." Spirituality is a difficult topic, but churches do far too many wonderful things that go beyond embracing a creed. Some of the most loving people I know aren't explicitly religious, though I think their love of fellow man makes them more Christian than others who wear their faith on their sleeve.

The argument for college.

One argument about the usefulness of college is that studying history, racism, the US after 9/11, plants, chemistry, and so on gives us a strong basis as workers, as citizens, in a way that is "objectively" useful. But that seems to cheapen the other argument - that experiencing the liberal arts is, in itself, the good - the endpoint.

That we might have a collegiate experience that embraces the earth, sky, and the vast ranges of humanity between.

So I watched some Downton Abbey this weekend...

A few observations:
  • I'm a complete sucker for truly good or truly evil characters - think Abigail Williams from The Crucible or Achilles from Orson Scott Card's "Ender" or "Bean" series's on the bad side. Anna, pictured at right, is one of the good ones - she doesn't take a single false or bad step over the hours and hours of the two seasons, which makes her incredibly unrealistic and yet compelling as we root for her and her Jane Austen beau. That screencap is from 11:11 in the first episode, but its context makes it obvious that she's the "good gal" and probably his romantic interest. Unrelatedly, I can't imagine how boring it must be to be an actor that never changes one's costume, with probable corsets to boot.
  • I also didn't realize how much of a structure the "downstairs" staff of a great house had. For example, a housekeeper (head of women service) had the title of "Mrs," and the Butler presided over a formal servant's dinner, complete with all staff rising upon his entrance to a room. Those positions were true pinnacles, albeit within a small universe of long hours and bowing/scraping to unworthier guests.
  • The show is a mixture of fairly typical television plotlines ("Father, I'm political!") made more interesting by strong characters and writing, espeically the vicious and amazing one-liners of Maggie Smith's character, who becomes much more decent throughout the series. Acting is also excellent, but I worry that cheap emotional hooks won't hold viewers without more interesting plotlines in Series Three.

Thought


There is not a trace in us of that humble acceptance displayed by our parents, who were convinced that administrative issues were of utmost importance and who considered interaction with the state as something to be celebrated. We do not feel that respect, rooted in the distance between the lonely citizen and the majestic heights where the ruling class reside, barely visible through the clouds. Our view of the social structure is different from yours: society is a network, not a hierarchy. We are used to being able to start a dialogue with anyone, be it a professor or a pop star, and we do not need any special qualifications related to social status. The success of the interaction depends solely on whether the content of our message will be regarded as important and worthy of reply. And if, thanks to cooperation, continuous dispute, defending our arguments against critique, we have a feeling that our opinions on many matters are simply better, why would we not expect a serious dialogue with the government?[...]
What we value the most is freedom: freedom of speech, freedom of access to information and to culture. We feel that it is thanks to freedom that the Web is what it is, and that it is our duty to protect that freedom. We owe that to next generations, just as much as we owe to protect the environment.
Perhaps we have not yet given it a name, perhaps we are not yet fully aware of it, but I guess what we want is real, genuine democracy. Democracy that, perhaps, is more than is dreamt of in your journalism.
- A very thoughtful piece from Poland

This weekend

    Firstly, an observation: Rick Santorum is, by every account, a loving husband and father. He doesn't present a false face to the public - he's an honest, big-government-y social conservative, and he has a three-year old with a genetic convention.

    He left the trail, shortly before a vote that will likely end his candidacy, to be with his daughter, and my thoughts are with him and his family. One girl, one life, is ultimately a statistic most of the time, unless we know them personally, but in this case I think such stories and our respect for them are part of a common humanity that I want to preserve.

    But in other news, I had a great weekend. I indulged by inner geek and watched a tournament of my company's Starcraft 2 team, currently competing in an online tournament, and went from that event to a rollicking party at a friend's apartment, where a few stronger friendships were made. :) Saturday I went skiing, and left feeling good about it.

    After a tough time snowboarding, and an even rougher ski excursion during college, I was a little wary and was planning on going back to boarding. But with all of my friends on skis, I followed the crowd, and found myself.....not falling.

    So then I took a "blue" course (more difficult), and....didn't fall. Reality re-asserted itself a bit later when a snowboarder got in my way and I realized that braking and steering were mutually exclusive for me, but as I got better at sharply turning right (think Zoolander, but opposite) I felt more and more comfortable. I now feel confident on skis. Yay!

    And then there was another party that will really need its own post to explain, and snow tubing today.

    So in all....good weekend.

      Commutes

      Today I woke up at 3:30 AM, crossed a small mountain range, and flew (with a layover) back to Madison, where I took a taxi across town to my workplace, where I joined the other ~5k employees of my company in our monthly staff meeting. Walking into that large auditorium, it was almost like the previous hours hadn't happened, and I had passed straight from one community to another.

      The three homes I have are different - one is heavy on family, another friends, and another my livelihood, but I don't mind occasional commutes like the one I enjoyed today if it allows me to spend time with those I care about.

      This is all nonsensical prattle, I'm sure, but the upshot is that I'm happy to work here, but happier still to have loved ones in other places. Here's to seeing more of them.

      thought

      The decisions we pay attention to - the political fights, the dividing paths history writes of, the moments of personal anguish movies portray - these are only a part of the choices that bind and carry us, the visible actions. Our lives are much more shaped by a chorus of non-decision decisions - the times when our backgrounds and our identities shape our actions, in decision points so automatic we easily miss them as they pass by.

      These decisions, these choices, are called culture. We give gifts for Christmas because we always have; we pass on the left because we always have; we work hard because we are supposed to - because working hard is a part of being ourselves.

      For some of us.

      The great work, the great discipline that we honor and know, is not in the single decisions, but in shaping the predictable long-term choices that we can expect from someone, of honesty and steadfastness.

      Losing & North Korea

      I believe that it is vitally important to continually seek out activities and areas where one is weak. The easy reasons are that we can learn versatility, and from weakness develop new areas of strength. But in a world where it is so easy to be continually entertained and stimulated, the shock of weakness - of possibly losing - is an expanding force, reminding us of how much isn't certain. For me, this means seeking out organized team sport, where my occasional lack of coordination is put into the spotlight, as well as my poor VO2max. I don't know if I really enjoy looking so bad, but I do come away feeling different - perhaps more alive. Sports give me another look into life.

      On a mostly unrelated note I've been watching a web series on North Korea, a place where people must show devotion to the "Dear Leader" - of face death. Power over one's own life does not exist there - even the entire country is reliant on American food aid (what they label as "tribute"), and as long as it stands, with closed borders, I always want to remember how bad things could be if I had been born somewhere else.

      Random Friday Thoughts

      I had some time to think thoughts today:
      • I have a roommate, but I live alone.
      • Christopher Hitchens's greatest enemy was totalitarianism of thought - the idea of a cohesive whole of "rightness" from which all wisdom could spout.
      • That might be true, but I'm more worried about stupid, partial thoughts than the big lie. The big lie can be ganged up on. A chorus of foolishness is more subtle.
      • I need something to live for - perhaps someone or ones to live for. I am surviving in this status quo, but I don't feel personal growth in the number of ways I would like.
      • Conservatives believe in what is real. This is unifying. Liberals believe in what "should" be real - this is dividing. That's why I think conservatism is more powerful today.
      • Barack Obama's recognition of process failures was taken by many to be a promise to address them (albeit not explicitly, as to avoid process becoming a focal point. Process is boring.)
      • In many ways, the Obama admin has not done this.
      • I owe someone I respect a great deal a blog post about Troy Davis's execution. I've been feeling guilty about it for months.
      • I believe that technology will build a new way of living, gradually reshaping old paradigms, but for now the question is how to exist in a world defined by old trains of thought, but yet using the bullet trains.
      • "Good" people can do awful things. "Bad" people can be incredibly kind.
      • Labels are stupid.

      The Long Goodbye

      Flying westward
      Over snow
      The sun runs ahead
      Leaving a long, lingering glow
      A stretch of red between the horizon's clouds
      That we chase in a long farewell to daylight.

      Thoughts on the value of higher education

      Written originally for a friend, on the subject of the usefulness of analysis:

      I'd suggest this metaphor: On the Sing-Off, groups perform, sometimes well, and sometimes poorly. One of the best groups, Afro-Blue, does lots of complicated jazzy stuff that is AWESOME to listen to, but I have to read online review to understand how they constructed all of the crazy chords in the arrangement. There's a lot of difficult-to-learn theory in what they do. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHmjR1-vUpU&feature=related)

      On the other hand, anyone can tell when a performance works - its obvious, and the talent that leads the base in that performance to be so awesome at improvising isn't learned - its grown.

      So there's a triad here: everyone can tell if the song works or not; talent (and practice) determines if you can sing it, but education is required to understand what's going on in a communicative way.

      Your talent to theorize is different than having real interactions, and different than being able to make rational judgments about the world around you. You can have a constructive voice with just those two, it's true: but there's no learning without the other third; no ability to see, long-term, how things have changed and shifted, and to predict from there the lessons that the first two talents can apply in the future.

      Do we need music, or musical training to survive? Nope. Do we need voyeuristic operas? Not really. But are they worth doing, by someone? I'd say so.

      And in choosing our leaders, within our own communities and within the wider cities and states and countries we identify with, pragmatic ability and common values might be the most important, but scholarship and study make for valuable components as well. The more stuff our leaders know, the less time they need to spend understanding the complex issues that reach their attention and the more time they can spend leading.

      Continued, on the split between educating to do "stuff" or to understand stuff."

      The academy is the only professional group in America that gets to take a crack at "everyone" (at least, those who want access to the wide opportunities that a college degree provides in terms of credentials). Ministers used to be the same way - everyone was supposed to go to church, but that role has disappeared. Coaches also only serve a portion of the populace. Only our professors remain.

      Out of that comes a dual responsibility - to train and equip *everyone,* and to train and equip those who will join the academy. In a real sense there are two brands of success: the "actual" (and I mean that word in terms of "acting") and the theoretical. Williams has, perhaps inadvertently, promoted both separately: the JA variety for raw social effectiveness (in theory), and the Oxford variety for ass-kicking thinking.

      In that way, Williams facilitates both the networking that some of our peers seek and the thinking that we're all "supposed" to be studying, even if its only a true priority for some of us. A lot of me is in the former category - I loved doing things at Williams, and discussions like this, but sticking to established formulae was hardly enjoyable; my largest conflicts were with history books that didn't do what I thought was useful. I picked a fight with the discipline and lost.

      But that was fine, for me, because I still learned and grew from the course. I don't want to be a professional historian.

      So Williams the institution celebrates its "successful" alumni, and invites Cory Booker to speak at graduation. Williams the faculty DOES NOT approve of the trustees' honorary degrees (and has told me), and celebrates research and so forth.

      It's the same fight other D1 schools with big athletic programs have with underfunded classrooms - our professors own the classroom, but the classroom is hardly the whole of the campus.

      Some professors engage in the real; they come on Mountain Day and advise Dodd Neighborhood; they bring their children to Shabbat dinner so that I can chase the kiddos around. They step out of math and sociology into this world.

      Others choose not to.

      Likewise, some at Williams cared a lot about their GPA and others phoned it in. We were a meeting place between the doers, the consultants and leaders and organizers, and the learners. In some occasions, we have individuals that fit both categories, and they (you) can feel the split you describe.